Trick, but no Treat...

 "When hinges creak, in door-less chambers. And strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelight’s flicker, where the air is deathly still, that is the time when ghosts are present. Practicing their terror, with ghoulish delight!" Welcome! Foolish Mortals, to the haunted mansion, I am your host, your ghost host. Hmmmm. Our tour begins here, in this gallery. Here where you see paintings of some of our guests, as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now... Your cadaverous parlor, betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this Haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm?? And consider this dismaying observation; this chamber had no windows, and no doors. Which offers you this chilling challenge, to find A WAY OUT! HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!! Of course, there's always my way..."

 

I love the Haunted Mansion. My Gina and I used to be able to recite the entire script along with the ghost host. I am sure we drove other riders crazy, but it wasn’t as if we actually knew any of the other riders. We would even scream on cue. It is a shame Disneyland doesn’t award acting trophies, because we would have been a shoo in for sure.  “And the Emmy for acting scared and aiding the Ghost Host, goes to (pause for dramatic effect) Jing-Xi and her Gina! “Who, us? (acting shocked that we actually won) Oh Oh…Thank you for this honor... You like us… You really like us!”

Who doesn’t like Halloween? I love the time of year when the weather turns cool at night, but warm during the day. The leaves begin to change colors and eventually float almost magically to the ground. The smell of autumn permeates the air and every child knows Halloween is close at hand. Being in the Far East I expected Halloween to be celebrated differently, if celebrated at all. In Taiwan the smell of autumn does not exist and there are no real leaves to turn colors. I have been informed numerous times palm tree leaves do not count towards this endeavor. With the disappointment of the absentee autumn still weighing heavily on my heart Halloween was a hop, skip, and scream away.

My fellow English teachers and I were asked to decorate the Kid’s Happy Land for the big day. I believed the request to be odd, but presumed the decorations were for the benefit of the students. I was confident we would be asked to not hang any witches or devils, this being a Catholic school. However, no such demand was made. In fact we constructed two separate witches to the utter delight of our superiors. I probed my fellow teachers about how odd I found it to be a Catholic school celebrating the day dedicated to things that go bump in the night. The teachers told me Halloween is a colossal ordeal in Taiwan. Every child dresses up and participates in “Tricks or Treets”. I smiled and nodded, chalking this oddity to “That’s the way we do it in Taiwan”.

On the day of Halloween first thru third grade came down to Kid’s Happy Land to play games and be given candy. Once inside the kids recited the following for the Happy Land teachers: “Tricks or Treets, smeeal my feets, give me somephing goods to eat, if you don’t, I don’t care, I will gibes you underwears.” I nearly wet my pants laughing. I thought this might be a fluke and only one class would say the Halloween rhyme for us. But to my shock and pleasure every class recited the rhyme for us. It was one of the funniest sights I had ever watched. This was even funnier than time Scott Landis set the roof of his mother’s house on fire one 4^th of July. I took pictures of the students decked out in their Halloween garb. Enjoy!

 Do you see Snow White?







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Angels in front... Demons in back.

The girl with the huge yellow bow is named Elaine. She is in 1st grade and very sweet. She told me that the bow was her crown.

 Jing-Xi’s Thought of the Day: Learning about another culture and far away land via the Internet, is not enough. One misses key subtleties learned only by visiting these places in person. This is clearly the case when one gets asked if every American marries their 1^st cousin and has the middle name Bob. Trick or Treat?  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

This girl is dressed up as a piece of candy. Wrappers and all.

Power Ranger, witch and some type of demon.

Superman throwing the peace sign.

Batman and Spiderman all in the same room. Who is out saving the day and catching the bad guys?

An angry bird and friend. I wasn't sure what this girl was dressed up as, but I know what she looks like. She is no older than the 3rd grade, in case anyone was wondering.

These are very white old students. Not really... This is Petier and Adrain, dressed as "Pumpkin Brothers". The one on the right is Petier, the slutty pumpkin. The one on the left is Adrain, the idiot pumpkin.

Not students. This is Rachel and Alexandra. The one on the right is Rachel, from the great state of Missouri. The one on the right is Alex, from Georgia, but her parents are Greece and Italy. All I have to say is WOW when it comes to Alex. :)  They are dressed up as Taiwanese single women. This is how the women dress here in hopes of wedding a foreign man.

War of the Worlds...

Suddenly a loud shriek pierced the quiet Sunday afternoon at the park. “What’s that?” a woman cries. A huge flying saucer hovered over the football field; an eerie beam of light came from the ship’s belly, and the entire U of O football team vanished. Just then Tom Cruise burst onto the scene to save the day. But then realized it’s U of O… Why waste his time on saving a team who wears such ugly colored uniforms…   

 The City Who Fights Back..

Riding along in the taxi this afternoon I had an epiphany. I instructed the driver; using one of my three blah blah phrases I mastered, to take me to Ai Mi, A-Mart in English. He replied Doy, yes, and we were on our way. The taxi weaved in and out of traffic with great proficiency and ease; the sad faced buildings stared back at me through the window. To gain an enhanced comprehension of the driving skills these taxi drivers possess imagine the heaviest traffic you have ever witnessed in your life time. Now add 10,000 additional pedestrians, scooters, busses, taxis, and/or cars. Everywhere you look there are various motorized vehicles or pedestrians playing chicken with the cars in the crosswalks.  This is the traffic in and around the city of Keelung. When a car honks its horn at you it’s a warning not just meant to make you aware of its presence, but a warning to remove yourself from its direct path or be run over. Just about every heavily traveled road in Keelung has crosswalks and signals which have a digital count down in bright yellow. The countdown begins its descent at 45. This is 45 seconds during which time pedestrians are allowed to cross the street. This also gives drivers an idea of when they will be able to end the wait at the red light and zoom away. However, the crosswalks really do not hold any type of special value to drivers and the people crossing in them even less. The traffic turning on the green light is not the only danger one is forced to struggle against. Imagine a sea of people, cars, and scooters for these taxi drivers to contend with and then add the stress they experience from the expectation of prompt delivery of their fare to said destination. The taxi driving in Taiwan is not just a skill, it’s an art form. Anyone seen the white rabbit?? Sorry about the trail. During the ride to Ai Mi the taxi driver would interrupt the deafening silence when he muttered aloud in blah blah, which probably were curse words. This is the epiphany part, in case you were wondering if I would be getting to this grand revelation. This city, Keelung, is wedged in between two separate worlds. There is the “old” world, with tradition and the old ways of living one’s life. Then there is the “new” world, which is jostling and jockeying position and new traditions. The taxi driver, who donned salt n pepper hair, seemed to straddle the two warring worlds with a simple ease. I only draw attention to the color of the driver’s hair to illuminate the following. The car this mature fellow was operating was a newer model Toyota and this ordinary looking taxi boasted modern conveniences not many American car owners are able to afford. It is no secret Americans over spend and are notorious for their longing to be noticed for their ability to “keep up with the Jones’” with no regard to the gravity of consequences. This competitive streak and the yearning to have the best with no concern for the cost is the reason Mainland China owns America, lock stock and smoking barrel. American’s do not deny their desires and other countries have grown to depend on this well-known fact. Such is the sad commentary on American greed and this greed is the motivating force behind driving a Lexis you can’t afford, owning a television with a screen bigger than a small country, and owning hand bags the price of which would have fed a family of five for an entire month in some countries. The phrase there is one born every minute springs to mind. The taxi was equipped with a five disk changer, which also played BlueRay, and viewing screens for the front and rear passengers. The driver was enjoying what appeared to be a “Blah Blah” version of “Leave it to Beaver”. I did not enjoy the reruns of this show when I was a child and this fact was not going to change based solely on subtitles and the women dressed in what I observed to be oriental moo moos. Not trying to point out the obvious, but leave it to blah blah quickly jumped the shark.

My attention turned to the scenery which seemed to skip past the car at mach 6. Every now and then we stopped for a red light and this gave opportunity to truly take in the sights. It has been said there is a 7-11 on every corner in America. If this is indeed the truth, there are at least two 7-11s on every block in Keelung. In addition and on the same block, they have a store called OK Mart, which is similar in kind to 7-11, but way less smelly. We passed towering modern meccas made of glass and steel. If you looked carefully you noticed traditional Buddhist temples huddled between the buildings. This affords the temples refuge from the surrounding environment and to take advantage of affluences the businesses provide daily. Quick food, as it is termed here, restaurants can be seen every place you turn. It is in this regard one can witness the stark juxtaposition between the old and new worlds. Quick food is beginning to take a position of prominence over the traditional foods cooked at home. Homemade family dinners are giving way to speed and convenience. Why would a working mother want to cook when she can have it delivered in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed? The correct answer here, in case you’re slow, is she wouldn’t want to cook. She is busy and has three children. She cleans the house, washes the clothes for five people, and listens to her husband complain incessantly. What makes you think cooking dinner is a priority after the type of day she survived.

 KFC, Pizza Hut, and Mc Donalds are an everyday sojourn for many people with the intention of snatching a bite on the run. Examples of the war being waged between the two worlds are everywhere one choose to take in a different aspect. The supermarkets sell traditional Chinese food ingredients in one isle and around the corner is the freezer section are the heat and eat “Real Italian Style” pizzas. You can always deifier how “traditional” the ingredients are by how insulting their odor is to your senses. The further down the traditional path one chooses to the skip the worse the smell. I do not even have the fortitude to stand at the trail head and gaze down the path. I happen to like my Sketchers very much and they would not be cute vomit colored. I will save the humorous “Real Italian Style” explanation for another blog. It seems like ease and convenience of the new world is moving in on the old world and is threatening to snuff it out of existence. The new world offers paperless maps that give you directions to anywhere you want to travel, although sometimes flawed and can cause death if one forgoes the use of common sense. The paperless map mounts to the dashboard and a sultry voice tells you bbllaahh bbllaahh. The new world way is better than the old method of getting around, plus a paper map could never make you feel wanted and loved. However, the paper map could double as toilet paper if you were lost and in need.  GPS units, bloothtooth headsets, IPhones, and IPods (complete with stand and radio connecter) can be found in every taxi cab. Most taxis also have some type of entertainment system providing the passengers entertainment and a distraction as the taxi driver takes their lives into his hands. Every taxi also sports the very traditional in origin religious statue/icon, prayer contrivance, good luck charm, and device, usually a chain and pendant, used for keeping ancestors happy and the ghosts far away. The two worlds are constantly warring for alpha status.

 

Jing-Xi’s Thought of the Day: Changing some parts of what one calls tradition can be beneficial. The parts of tradition which are not helpful or do not hold special value should be changed, thusly making the traditional acts retain true worth. The parts of tradition one does because it has always been should be evaluated and eradicated if found lacking in lesson. If one dances around the bonfire naked during winter solstice because it has always been, the tradition is sorely in need of evaluation. In Taiwan tradition is ever important, but some have forgotten why the tradition is kept and held in high regard. In addition some have lost the old ways altogether and replaced them with new ways. These new ways are permeating every aspect of culture and have trickled down into the educational system. The schools are teaching the students how to order combo meals correctly. The schools push this new way on the students so much they even teach what is called “The Fast Food Song”. I am sure there is a valuable lesson Taiwan should learn from America’s example. Childhood obesity is at an all-time high, but hasn’t affected these children. Yet..

 

 

Two is Always Better Than One...

Hhoopppeee Birrrsdayaa tue Euwww! Hhoopppeee Birrrrsaayaa tuuueee eeuuuwwww anda maneesa muurrraa! Thank you! I will be here all week. Please remember to tip your waiters and waitresses folks. Thank you and goodnight…

This is the phrase I kept anticipating was following the class’s singing. In most civilized parts of the world considered to be the Far East individuals have two birthdays. One birthday is their“small” birthday and the other, by means of elimination, would be termed their “big” birthday. When one of my favored students proclaimed to me a few days ago, “uhh today my “little” birthday, Teacher and I broughta theees (this) for youa” needless to say I was curious and confused. Mia handed me a little gift bag including a juice box, orange juice according to the picture accompanying the “blah blah” on the front, some type of what might be a cookie or cracker, and candy. Giving gifts to other people on one’s birthday in Taiwan is the “way we do it in Taiwan”. I am not certain if this way to celebrate a person is also practiced in other parts of Asia. I might have to teach in Japan next year to determine exactly how wide spread this birthday practice extends. I apologize, I am worse than Alice when it comes to following that darn White Rabbit. Shifting this exhortation forward…  Where was I? Oh yes, I remember now. Little birthday… Little birthday, I asked, what on God’s green earth is a little birthday? Mia dutifully embarked on her futile attempt to explain little birthdays versus big birthdays to me. She sighed and stated here in Taiwan, three words I have grown to loathe, everyone has two birthdays. She paused the explanation in order for her Taiwanese speaking brain to translate her thoughts into the English words necessary for me to understand. Fully comprehending her explanation, unfortunately, proved more difficult than trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. I gleaned only bits of solid information from our 10 minute chat on the way up to English class. I grasped here in Taiwan they have two birthdays, I put a hash mark in the “already knew that” column. I also understood one birthday was celebrated small and one was celebrated big. Again the hash mark was affixed firmly in the “already knew that” column. From that point the information I understood was unreliable, to say the very least, and I hadn’t placed one single hash mark in the column labeled “new information”. As we approached our classroom Mia told me to “hangs on” and she ran ahead of me and into the room. Since there are a large number of students, all wearing matching blue school uniforms, and having black hair I lost sight of Mia.

My Taiwanese co-teacher Judia greeted me as I unloaded my heavy bag from my person. I tapped into this rare gift a few seconds before the onset of English class to inquire about this whole birthday business. Judia thought for a couple seconds and expounded for me on Mia’s previous attempt to aid in my, what seemed to be daily, lessons about everything Chinese. She simply picked up her desk calendar and pointed out the two types of “monphs”. She also stated Chinese calendar doesn’t follow sun. I finished the next part of the discourse for her. I told her if the Chinese calendar does not follow the sun it must follow the only other heavenly body large enough to measure the passage of time, the moon. One would have thought I had discovered the location the ever illusive Fountain of Youth and brought her a small sip its water judging the manner in which she reacted to the addition of 1+1 in my brain. Needless to say, she was happy I understood her explanation.

Allow me to demystify the two birthdays in Taiwan. The Chinese follow what is called the Lunar Calendar. Yuup Skippy, this means they built their calendar tracking the moon’s movements. However, the balance of the world follows what is called the Gregorian Calendar, or simply a calendar that follows the sun’s movements. Two calendars equals two birthdays. The small and big terms are applied to the months in the lunar calendar. Due to weather and farming some months are “small” and some are “big”. The above is the extent of my understanding relating to the small and big terms used to refer to months in the lunar calendar. I even asked another native to explain the differences between the months and how their size is determined. I am ashamed to admit the additional clarification only muddied the waters further. However, celebrating two birthdays does sound very appealing, as long as the two birthday celebrations only add one year to your total age. Right?

Note of interest: If anyone wants to know when to celebrate their second birthday visit this site http://www.asia-home.com/china/cncaps.php  and follow the directions. The site calculates your lunar birthday and even gives you the animal who rules your birth year. If anyone is curious my lunar birthday is April 1^st and the Wood Tiger rules my year.   

Wood Tiger

 

Jing-Xi’s Lesson for the Day: The thought of celebrating two separate times to acknowledge one’s birth is an alien concept to me. The practice of giving gifts to others on one’s birthday is even more foreign. I believe this might be due to the feelings dread and despair that fills me as my birthday approaches every year. Observing the jubilation a birthday brings in this country, let alone two birthdays, has caused me to pause and consider my feelings about birthdays and even life itself. A birthday is reason to celebrate. Every person is special and adds their unique brand of crazy to this world. When my birthday circles around this year maybe I will apply the adage “this is the way we do it in Taiwan”, and send out birthday cards.